Adoption Myths,
Birth Parent Services

Myth #1
The birth mother will regret her decision for the rest of her life. Some believe adoption is so painful most women regret the choice all of their lives, or that a birth mother who chooses adoption will have serious emotional problems.

Reality #1
For the birth parent facing an unplanned pregnancy, making an adoption plan can be a very positive resolution. With support and counseling, most birth mothers who choose adoption base their decision on what is best for their child and themselves. When the adoption experience is professionally handled, most birth mothers continue to feel good about their decision throughout the years.

Studies have found that teen mothers who chose adoption for their children were as satisfied with their decision as those who chose to parent. Studies have also shown that young women who make adoption plans:

• Have higher educational aspirations, are more likely to finish school and less likely to live in poverty and receive public assistance than those who parent.
• Delay marriage longer and are more likely to marry eventually.
• Are more likely to be employed 12 months after the birth and less likely to repeat an unplanned pregnancy.
• Are no more likely to suffer negative psychological consequences such as depression than those who are single parenting.

Myth #2
Birth mothers who place their children for adoption are uncaring and soon forget about their babies. Some believe that a birth mother who cares about her child would not think of adoption, or that adoption is an irresponsible solution, or that pregnant women who choose adoption take the easy way out, or that a birth mother will eventually forget about the child she placed in adoption.

Reality #2
Birth parents make caring parenting decisions when they plan adoptions. Birth parents who make adoption plans are choosing an option which allows them to fulfill their parenting responsibilities. Adoption is a way to ensure their child's long-term needs are met in the best possible way. In order to do this, they must put their child's needs above their own, a sign of maturity, responsibility and selflessness. Adoption is by no means taking the easy way out. It is a difficult decision, and young women, especially, need to be supported in this decision by those around them.

Some young women facing an unplanned pregnancy have found it helpful to learn about adoption first-hand from a birth parent who has been through the process. Children are never forgotten by their birth mothers. They always hold a special place in their birth mothers' hearts.

Myth #3
Adoption damages the child. Some believe that adoption damages the child, or that adopted children are not well-adjusted, or have mental health problems, or are damaged by the experience, or will grow up to have serious psychological problems, or feel bitter or rejected.

Reality #3
Adopted children do well in life. Studies have looked at various indicators of well-being and found adopted teens:

• Received and benefited from lots of support from family, friends and others;
• Were involved in many positive, structured youth activities, such as sports, music, congregational youth programs and community organizations;
• Saw themselves as being as strong as their peers in personal identity and self - esteem;
• Showed high levels of caring values and behaviors, such as volunteering.

Myth #4
Most adoptive parents are unfit. Some believe that adoptive parents are not as fit to raise a child as are the biological parents, or that no one can love a child as much as a birth parent, or that adoptive parents are abusive.

Reality #4
Adoptive parents are as fit and capable as any cross-section of biological parents. For more than three decades, studies have repeatedly supported this. Adoptive parents on the whole are better educated, older and more economically stable than the population at large and are less likely to divorce. There are countless examples of happy families built through adoption.

A study compared government data on four groups: 1) Children adopted into a two-parent family; 2) Children born in a two-parent family; 3) Children being raised by an unmarried mother; 4) Children being raised by their grandparents. It found that:

• Children adopted into a two parent family did well in school, and had only a 7 percent rate of repeating a grade in school, lower than the 12 percent rate found of children born into a two parent family.
• The study also found that these first two groups of children share similarly high scores regarding general health.
• Children adopted into a two parent family enjoy a quality of home environment superior to all of the other groups.
• Children adopted into a two parent family have access to health care that is superior to all other groups.

Myth #5
The adoption process is secretive. Some believe that adoptive parents know very little information about their child's background, or that birth parents have no say in the choice of adoptive parents.

Reality #5
The adoption process seeks to share information on a level that will benefit all-birth parents, adoptive parents and most importantly, the child. At LSS we provide the birth parents with family profiles from which they may choose. Pictures, letters and mementos can continue to be shared for a time after placement. Today's practice also shares all available non-identifying background information with the adoptive parents. This can include the birth parents' family and medical histories, physical descriptions, and personal information.

It is rare for a child not to be aware of his or her adoption into their family. The agonizing event over "telling a child he was adopted" of days past are gone. Parents today share about adoption with their child from day one, in age-appropriate ways that stress love, permanence, and respect for the birth parents who made such a difficult and loving choice.

Adoption & Birth Parent Services
Dede Mogck, Director
621 East Presentation Street
Sioux Falls, SD 57104
605-221-2346
888-201-5061
Fax: 605-221-2404
Email: Dede Mogck

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